Gregslist takes a ride on Branson Jet Boats (2024)

I grew up in Branson. To ride a boatonLake Taneycomo is part of the rhythm of life for most people there.

They take fishing boats, pontoon boats, zippy outboard-motor boats. Some, especially tourists, hop on a replica riverboat, the Lake Queen, or a luxury yacht, the Landing Princess, for a leisure cruise.

I did not ride any of those boats the last time I was on Lake Taneycomo's chillygreen waters.

On Thursday, I boarded the Cyclone.

There is nothing quite like the Cyclone at Branson Landing. Its cherry-redand lemon-yellow hull, docked at Branson Landing next to Joe's Crab Shack, isthe centerpiece of Branson Jet Boats, which opened June 20.

Don't let the plural in the company name fool you:A fleet of jet boats isn't rushing up and down Lake Taneycomo. At least not yet. There's just one jet boat.

And it is a singular watercraft in more than a numerical sense. Equipped with three 400-horsepower Indmar Raptor engines, the Cyclone is literally propelled by a jet of water.

It roars. It throws a large wake behind it. It can stop on a dime. It can swing 360 degrees, casting ocean-like spray over the people on board, who brace themselves with both hands while this happens.

The jet boat performs "bow dunks." The captain surges the boat forward, then stops and quickly reverses.

The action warps the surface of the water into a majestic wall. The wave easily hurdles a transparent windscreen that shields the front rows of passengers.

Those passengers squeal. In doing so, some of them get lakewater in their mouths. And elsewhere. They're soaked.

The adults don't have to wear life jackets; they can if they want.

The captain, on the day I rode, was Robert Taylor. Hailing from Long Beach, California, he's captained for 30 years. He has a grizzly gray beard that looks suitably nautical.

He really likes running the jet boat.

"It's beyond fun," he told me.

As the jet boat cleaves through the water north of Branson Landing andpast Rockaway Beach, Taylor offers a folksycommentary.

"For those of you macho men who think you don't need to hold on, you'll change your mind here in a minute," he said.

As the boat passes Kanakuk, a Christian summer camp northeast of the Landing, Taylor tells the crowd that the camp was founded in 1926 and has been attended by 500,000 youths since.

Taylor slows the engine while he passesa gaggle of geese lining the shore. The resting birds pay the boat no mind.

He continues in tour-guide mode, informing usof the local legend thatAl Capone had a house opposite the town of Rockaway Beach. Capone was hidingfrom the feds, the story goes.

When the boat passes beyond the relativelydeveloped shorelines between Branson and Rockaway, it speeds up. Wind whips through my hair and my beard. I find myself wishing I'd remembered to spray sunscreen on the ol' bald spot.

We slip by soft limestone bluffs that jut out like bastions on a castle, covered with tree species.

During our 12-mile, hour-longloop from the Landing and back again, I see four great blue herons. Each one wheels through the air, seemingly unaware that it's one cool-looking bird.

Like I said, it's a singular experience, one that the owners — Mark Ruda and his father, Dan Ruda — share with their customers proudly.

It's also a phenomenon that has prompted a bit of Branson drama.

Not everyone is thrilled that theguys who developed Thousand Hills resort in the '90s, and the mountain coaster built last year,have chosen to add to Lake Taneycomosomething big enough to seat 60-pluspassengers and carry them by jet motor at 35miles per hour.

John Logan, who happens to be married to my high-school English teacher, is one of these not-thrilled folks. He is known for drawing colorful political cartoons and publishing them in Taney County newspapers and on Facebook.

Logan reminded me that he's lived in Branson many years. His home and his farm are both on Lake Taneycomo. Both places have boat docks. Sometimes he fishes. A few times, he's taken a swim in Taneycomo-water, which starts out at 46 degrees Fahrenheit when it pours through Table Rock Dam downstream to Branson.

"THE PEACEFUL MOOD IS BROKEN..." Logan messaged me last week, after waxing poetic about his vision of the lake as an ideal natural environment.

"Taneycomo joins the loud modern hype and hysteria."

I called Phil Lilley, who owns Lilley's Landing with his wife, Marsha. The Lilleys have been in the marina business more than 30 years. Their business is upstream from Branson Landing.

The jet boat's route doesn't pass their docks, but Lilley said any boat can pose problems.

"We get swamped with big wakes from ordinary boats when they're operated in an improper way," he told me. "It really depends on how the captain operates the boat."

Lilley said he has friends with shoreline businesses along the jet boat route.

"I'm sure they'd be the first ones to call and say 'the boat just swamped a couple boats at my dock,'" he said. "When that stuff happens, water patrol can investigate and write tickets."

In my conversation with Mark Ruda, the younger co-owner, I got the impression that he has no intention of amassing a stack oftickets.

The Rudas have gone on a charm offensive with the rest of Branson, positioning their new attraction as part of the community's push to add attractions along with shows.

Ruda emphasized thenumerous regulations and safety protocols that apply to the jet boat. Put simply, whatever the U.S. Coast Guardsays, goes. Same with other government agencies.

For example, he has multiple fire extinguishers on board, each one complying with a different regulation from a different regulator.

Captain Taylor made sure to note that the boat slows down for wildlife in its path. He seemed to choose the least-developed part of Taneycomo, beyond sleepy Rockaway Beach, to perform his most dramatic, splashy bow dunks.

And on our way back to the dock, the geese were still hanging out on the shore, minding their own business.

But I wonder how the fish, many of them trout from the state fish hatchery upstream, feel about those bow dunks.

They couldn't be reached for comment.

Want to Go?

Branson Jet Boat trips happen every couple hours throughout the day during summer. Book a reservation at BransonJetBoats.com or visit the kiosk near Joe's Crab Shack at Branson Landing. Tickets are $29 for adults, $24 for children aged 3 to 11. Children younger than 3 are not encouraged to ride.

Gregslist Tips

• Are you a bald person? Wear sunscreen.
• Do you have skin? Wear sunscreen.
• Leave your $200 Dolce & Gabbana sunglasses at home.
• Having a meal after your tour? Plan to change clothes after your voyage, or just eat someplace informal.
• If lakewater makes you go "ewww," close your mouth during bow dunks.
• Bottom line: Greg of Gregslist found it thrilling, from the rider's point of view; not scary.

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