Chapter Text
“It’s been a few weeks now Ruby, how has everything been?” Dr. Harris asked, adjusting herself in her chair looking at the redhead. Ruby said nothing, her eyes on the carpet, she adjusted her jaw clenching her teeth as she tried to find the words. It was a comfortable silence, Dr. Harris did not push Ruby to speak, she had learned early on in their sessions that it was best to give Ruby time.
Finally, Ruby nodded slightly, her gaze never leaving the floor. Her voice was barely above a whisper when she finally replied, her throat dry and tight. “It’s been… difficult,” Ruby admitted. “But I’m trying my best.”She could feel Dr. Harris' gaze on her, but she still couldn't bring herself to meet her eyes. The shame that filled her became overwhelming at times like this - times where all she wanted was to be normal, to be like everyone else and simply move on with her life. “I had a panic attack recently.”
"I see," Dr. Harris responded, noting the change in Ruby's tone. "And what do you think triggered this attack?"
The words hung in the air between them, a challenge that Ruby felt she wasn't prepared to face yet. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, her hands fidgeting nervously in her lap. The memory of that night was still fresh in her mind.
“I was dancing at the party, my birthday party, everyone was staring at us… then, suddenly, I felt suffocated. There were too many eyes on me, too much attention I couldn’t breathe.” Ruby murmured licking her lips, there was a pain in her hands feeling the anxiety rising within her again.
A nod was Dr. Harris' reply, her gaze still focused on Ruby. "Do you remember anything else from the party that might have contributed to your panic attack? Or was it just those around you looking at you?"
The question seemed to hang in the air, thickening the already heavy atmosphere of the room. Ruby took a moment, replaying the events of that night in her mind. Her heart pounded in her chest as she remembered every detail, every look, every whisper… the look in her eyes… the feeling of her hands.
"Blake." The name came out more like a whisper, almost inaudible but heavy with emotion. Ruby's gaze had drifted to the window while she was lost in her thoughts, now she forced it back to Dr. Harris. "Blake was there... Blake danced with me."
She felt her heartbeat quicken at the memory. The world had seemed to stop spinning when Blake held her, the crowd melted away into a blurry background and all that remained was them. Blake's hand on her shoulder, her other hand holding Ruby's own as if it were something precious, those piercing eyes locked onto hers.
"And how did that make you feel?" Dr. Harris asked gently, breaking Ruby from her reverie. Her gaze softened, offering Ruby a comfort she hadn't realized she needed.
"I don't know." She confessed, shaking her head as her eyes welled up. "Happy. Scared. It made me realize something.”
"Realize what, Ruby?" Dr. Harris prompted gently, her soothing voice coaxing Ruby to reveal more.
It took a moment for Ruby to gather the courage to speak again. She blinked rapidly looking at the woman before back down again. Her hands were trembling in her lap as she balled them into fists.
"That… I think… I mean… I might...," she stammered, struggling with the weight of her own words. Then, finally, the truth tumbled out in a whisper so faint it was barely audible, "I think I'm… I might be falling in love with Blake."
For a moment there was silence in the room, broken only by the soft tick-tocking of a clock on the wall. The revelation hung in the air like an unfinished melody, profound and frightening in its intensity. It was the first time she said it out loud and not just in her thoughts, to actually say it meant it was real. It wasn't just a fleeting feeling or a figment of her overactive imagination. It was real and it was terrifying.
Her confession seemed to echo back to her, reverberating in the silence that filled the room. Dr. Harris was watching her, her eyes filled with understanding and patience that only seemed to accentuate Ruby's nervousness.
“I’m still not ready… I don’t need this complexity in my life right now, Dr. Harris.” Ruby added quickly, as if she were trying to convince both herself and her therapist.
“That’s okay Ruby,” Dr. Harris replied, her voice calmly reassuring. “You don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for. These things take time. As we’ve discussed before you still have a lot to work through and that’s okay, have you thought about telling Blake everything? Not just about your feelings but about everything.” She said waving her pen around a little before resting it back on the notepad.
Ruby’s breath hitched. The idea of sharing her vulnerabilities with Blake was more terrifying than admitting her feelings to herself had been. She shook her head slightly, her gaze firmly fixed on the carpet.
"No, I haven’t," She said quietly, a tremor in her voice. "I… I can’t. And I know… it should be her choice to see me, all of me and not just the parts I choose to show her. I know that’s not fair to her, but..." Ruby's voice was choked with emotion, her grip on her lap tightening.
"The thought of losing her… of pushing her away because of my issues… it terrifies me, Dr. Harris.” She admitted. “I’m not sure I could handle it if she ends up hating me. For the first time in my life… someone isn’t terrified because of who I am, she accepts me, she… she makes me feel normal.”
“But you’re lying to her.” Dr. Harris stated simply, letting the words echo in the room. The silence weighed heavily upon Ruby, the truth of Dr. Harris's words slicing through her like a blade. She sucked in a breath, her eyes stinging with fresh tears.
"I know." She admitted in a choked whisper.
“I’ve always told you I’m not going to push you into anything you’re not ready for, Ruby,” Dr. Harris said, her comforting tone slicing through the tense silence. "But as your therapist, it's also my responsibility to challenge you when necessary. One day, the cost of keeping this secret might outweigh the fear of revealing it. You’re standing in a room with three doors and the room is slowly filling with water and you can either drown in the surging tide of your secrets, the water or take a chance and open a door. Who's to say what lies behind them? It could be salvation, it could be more water, or it could be nothing but you won’t know until you have the courage to turn the knob and open one."
Ruby sat there, her eyes filled with confusion and apprehension. Her heart pounded in her chest as she grappled with Dr. Harris' words. The thought of facing Blake with her truth was terrifying, but the idea of losing her to a wall of secrets was equally daunting. Deep in her mind she wanted to let someone in, she wanted to finally feel what was grasping at her heart now, what was causing her pain.
But beyond all those new and not new feelings… the bigger chain of fear tugged harder. It was unfair and sure as hell stupid the hole she was digging.
She looked up at Dr. Harris. "I... I don't know if I can.” She stammered, her voice barely above a whisper.
“What might be best is working with the problems that are stopping you from taking that step through a door, like we’ve talked about before Rosewood and Penny are the two big things in your life that are hindering your progress," Dr. Harris continued in her kind, soothing voice. "We need to confront these issues in order for you to move forward, in order for you to find your truth."
"I know," she acquiesced with a sigh, "I want to confront them, I want to move forward. But every time I try... I feel like I'm being pulled back. I started writing in a journal like you suggested, and it has helped me remember things... but it's also brought back so many painful memories."
Ruby reached into her bag and pulled out the said journal. She opened it to a random page, her gaze lingering on the words she had hastily scribbled down in moments of intense emotion. She wanted to throw the book out the window, abandon this hopeless idea of fixing herself… but she remained in her seat, locked.
“That’s a good start, now, would you be comfortable talking about Penny?”
It felt like it had been a while since she last spoke out loud about Penny and as she drew in a deep breath, Ruby felt her heart tighten with the memory of the woman. “Penny… she was my first and only girlfriend for a while. She was... amazing." Ruby's voice was soft, almost reverent as she spoke. Her memories of Penny brought a distant smile to her face, a faint glimmer of happiness amidst the uncertainty and fear. "She was everything, full of life and spirit. She had this laugh that could light up even the darkest room. I wanted to give up everything for her and-” She cut herself off, her voice hitching in her throat. A bitter, painful silence filled the room as Ruby struggled to re-collect herself. Her hands were shaking again as she clutched onto the journal tightly, her knuckles turning white from the pressure.
“And our child.”
Dr. Harris let out a soft breath, keeping her gaze steady on Ruby. There was a grave solemnity in her eyes as the silence stretched, allowing the weight of Ruby's revelation to sink in. The clock's ticking seemed to grow louder with each passing second, an incessant reminder of the passing time, of life moving forward even when they wished it could stand still.
"Our child," Ruby repeated, her voice a mere whisper drowned in the silence of the room. Her grip on the journal loosened; she let it fall onto her lap as she stared blankly at the worn-out cover. "We... We were going to have a baby. A boy. But she left - a few months before he was born.”
Dr. Harris studied Ruby carefully, her eyes soft with understanding. A heartbreaking tragedy, it was, losing Penny and being left alone to deal with the aftermath.
"Our child," Ruby murmured once more, her voice filled with pain and loss. "We... had chosen a name for him - Landon."
"Did you ever get to meet Landon?" Dr. Harris asked gently, lacing her words with empathy. She was treading on fragile grounds, layers of buried emotions ready to erupt any moment.
Ruby shook her head slowly, her glossy eyes staring blankly at the therapist. "N-no," she stuttered. “I tried to contact her, reach out to her after Landon was born, but every attempt was met with silence. My letters were returned unopened, my calls unanswered." Rubbing her temples wearily, Ruby continued, "I saw them once... from a distance. Penny holding our son, looking... content. Happy… with someone else. She's married now. And I knew then that there was no space for me in their world."
Dr. Harris absorbed her words quietly, noting the tremble in Ruby's voice and the raw grief etched on her face. She let the silence build before speaking, "That must have been incredibly painful for you, Ruby."
Ruby gave a hollow laugh. "Painful is an understatement, Dr. Harris," she replied bitterly. "It tore me apart. Still does."
“What made her leave?”
Ruby glanced up at her, eyes glimmering with past sorrow. "She didn't think I would be a good mother," she stated, her voice barely above a whisper. "She didn't trust me and I lied to her. I told her I left Rosewood when I hadn't, not really. Rosewood was always there, a ghost hovering in the background of our lives."
"Why did you lie about Rosewood?"
"Because…" Ruby's voice trailed off, a pained expression creeping onto her face. “I wanted to have the baby with her, I wanted to still be with her even though I knew she didn't want me. So I lied about Rosewood, hoping it would make her stay."
"I see," Dr. Harris nodded, her gaze reflecting a deep understanding. "By doing this, you thought you could protect the relationship you had with Penny. But secrets, Ruby, they have a way of surfacing. And more often than not, they cause more harm than good. What happened with Penny was unfortunate, no doubt. But through it all, you must have learnt a lot about yourself and your relationships. You were put in a position where you had to face the consequences of keeping a secret from someone you cherished."
Ruby nodded slowly, her eyes dropping down to the journal resting on her lap. Dr. Harris' words echoed within her, resonating with the truths she had been unwilling to confront.
"Is that why you're afraid of telling Blake the truth, Ruby?" Dr. Harris queried after a brief pause.
A soft sigh escaped Ruby's lips as she nodded again. "I'm terrified," she admitted. "If I lose Blake too... I don't know if I could handle it."
"But think about it this way," Dr. Harris began, leaning forward slightly in her chair, "Keeping secrets... has it really helped you in the past?”
The redhead shook her head slowly, her gaze unfocused as she mulled over Dr. Harris' words. The silence hung heavy in the room as Ruby grappled with the harsh reality. "No," she confessed. "It didn't."
"All these years you've been carrying this heavy burden, Ruby," Dr. Harris continued, her tone gentle yet resolute. "Penny made a choice based on her perceptions, not the reality of who you really are. Blake deserves to know who that person is."
“I almost told her.”
“Almost?” Dr. Harris prompted, her voice soft as she encouraged Ruby to continue.
“During the same dance I had a panic attack. I asked her… what would she say if I was a bad person.”
"And she said?" Dr. Harris asked, her gaze steady and encouraging.
"She said that she didn't believe I could be a bad person," Ruby responded, a hint of sadness lacing her voice. Her gaze dropped to the journal in her lap, fingers tracing the rough edges of the worn-out pages. "And that's when I... I should have told her everything."
"But why didn't you?"
Ruby closed her eyes for a moment, swallowing hard against the lump in her throat. "I was scared, it was a horrible time to tell her," she admitted quietly, almost ashamed. “I felt so much emotion… and I got scared and I left her on the dance floor.”
Dr. Harris let the confession hang in the air, allowing Ruby the space to navigate through her feelings. "And how did Blake react to that?" She asked after a while, voice soft, not wanting to interrupt Ruby's train of thoughts.
A shadow crossed Ruby's face as she recalled the hurt that had flashed across Blake's eyes that night. She never did apologize, never talked to her… again she would have to apologize for her actions. What would she get this time… more flowers, candy?
"She was upset. Confused," Ruby said, her voice barely audible. "I saw it in her eyes. And then I just… walked away."
"Does she know about Landon? Or Penny?" Dr. Harris asked, shifting in her chair as she maintained steady eye contact with Ruby.
Ruby shook her head. "No. She doesn’t know anything about Landon or Penny." Her grip tightened on the journal again, a physical representation of the emotions that swelled within her. "I've kept it all from her."
"You're afraid Blake will leave you too, if she learns about your past?" Dr. Harris' voice was gentle, understanding.
“Whatever it is I’m feeling about her… I don’t want to hurt her, even more than I already am. It’s sick… I hurt her for one thing but I’m so selfish to keep her away from getting hurt through the truth. I’m afraid she would leave like Penny, or worse… hate me. Honestly… maybe that’s better.”
“I don’t think that’s better Ruby, pushing yourself away from her will do as much damage as keeping the truth at bay. Nobody knows what the future holds, maybe Blake will understand. Maybe she won't. But either way, holding back the truth is not fair to Blake... and it's not fair to you either," Dr. Harris concluded.
Ruby frowned, her heart pounding in her chest as she considered Dr. Harris's words. She knew hiding her past was causing more problems than it was solving, but the fear of rejection was too much.
"Blake isn't Penny," Dr. Harris continued, leaning forward slightly. "You can't assume she'll react the same way Penny did."
"But what if…" Ruby's voice faltered, her grip on the journal tightening.
"What if she leaves?" Dr. Harris finished for her. "You're living in fear of a possible future that only exists because of your actions now - your secrecy and lies. Is it really worth it?"
Ruby grew silent, her gaze locked onto the journal in her lap. Was it worth it? She didn't know. All she knew was that Blake deserved better than a woman shrouded in lies and secrets. One who had so much blood on her hands and a past that haunted her waking hours. A past that she had tried to bury deep within herself, yet continued to claw its way to the surface.
"Ruby," Dr. Harris said gently, breaking the deafening silence. "Sometimes, the only way to free yourself from your past is to confront it."
Her finger tapped against the bookmark, she looked down at the ladybugs patterned on it, a faint smile tugging at her lips at the memory.
"Besides, I know how much you love reading, and now you won’t lose your page. It’s practical. It was the least I could do… for a friend."
A friend. Blake pushed herself up looking at the window next to her bed. The warm rays of the setting sun filtered through the glass, casting an orange hue over the room. She let out a soft sigh.
“No, don’t stop... just... talk to me, do something, anything… just distract me… please.”
Blake recalled the desperation in Ruby's voice, a sound etched into her memory. She had tried to make it better, counting… that was the one way she knew to calm herself. And thankfully it worked for the redhead, though part of her could tell that there was still something wrong with the woman during their dance.
There was a pain in the redhead’s eyes, a restlessness that tugged at the edges of her vibrant facade. Blake wished she could know more… understand what the woman had experienced to help her better.
Blake’s hand drifted to the ladybug bookmark bringing it up into her view.
"This is not my story to tell, but... Ruby did go through something. Something that hasn’t healed completely yet. She's let very few people see her pain, and she usually masks it with her boundless optimism. I can’t share the details… they’re hers alone to tell when she’s ready.”
That pain was brief, she saw it before the woman had left her on the dance floor. The memory of that night, the confusion and hurt were still fresh in her mind. Ruby had fled so quickly after their dance, leaving her alone with nothing but questions. She looked down at the bookmark again, tracing the pattern of ladybugs. It did hurt to be left alone, to be left in the dark.
It had been a week since their dance, since the last time she saw Ruby. Blake found herself constantly turning that night over and over in her mind. Could she have done something differently?
"My mother... She has certain expectations for me. It's supposed to be a party for my birthday, but really it's just another opportunity for her to promote our company, Rosewood Security. I dread these parties; they may seem joyful, but to me they're just a facade. The forced smiles, the fake laughter, even the dancing... it's all just an act. And tonight, my mother has made it clear that I must dance with someone. There are plenty of eligible daughters here for me to choose from. But honestly, I'd rather just be left alone."
Did she push her too far by asking for her to dance? Blake’s fingers tightened around the bookmark, her knuckles beginning to turn white against the tension. It was a silent battle raging in her thoughts, and she was losing. She remembered Ruby’s forced smile as they swayed together on the dance floor, the way her body radiated fake warmth that did not reach her eyes. She had been right about one thing though – while the party was supposedly for Ruby's birthday, it felt more like a business transaction.
If she was causing Ruby more pain than necessary, then Blake would keep her distance even though it was against her will. Though was it a good idea to retreat? Wouldn't that just perpetuate the cycle of misunderstandings and misguided attempts to shield one another from hurt?
"I'll give Ruby the space she needs," Blake resolved, her voice barely a whisper in the quiet of her room. Her heart ached in her chest as she made the decision, knowing full well the loneliness and frustration it would bring. But if it brought Ruby some peace, then it was a price she was willing to pay.
“Are you sure about this Yang?” Blake asked, getting a grin from the blonde who gave her a thumbs up.
“Trust me, you’ve been in my car before.” She pulled the harness on before gesturing towards the very open parking lot they were in.
“Yeah, but that was a casual drive… This is learning how to drift.”
Yang’s laughter echoed through the air, a warm inviting sound that had Blake relaxing even in her nervousness. “Don’t worry, I got you. You’re the one who asked me to learn this after all."
Blake took a deep breath, her hands tightly gripping the steering wheel. Yang’s infectious confidence was doing its job of calming her nerves, but she couldn't shake the ball of uncertainty lodged in her chest.
"Alright," Blake agreed, attempting to match Yang's enthusiasm with a small smile of her own.
“Good, now the first thing you can do is get a feel for the car. Turn the wheel, press the pedals, just get used to how they respond," Yang instructed, her voice steady and patient. “Every car is different.”
Blake did as she was told, her hands shaking slightly as she gingerly tested the controls. The hum of the engine vibrated beneath her, both comforting and terrifying in equal measure.
"And remember," Yang added, leaning over to adjust Blake’s grip on the steering wheel. "The car will only respond as quickly as you do. So be sure your movements are swift and certain."
With Yang's words echoing in her mind, Blake nodded before putting the car into gear. Slowly and cautiously at first, she moved forward, the car responding smoothly under her guidance. She tentatively pressed her foot down on the accelerator, feeling the surge of power beneath her as the car leapt forward. A rush of adrenaline pumped through her veins as she gripped the wheel tighter, a mix of fear and exhilaration.
"Nice!" Yang whooped from the passenger seat, her mirth serving to lighten Blake's tight-nerved concentration. "Now, let's see you turn it."
Blake took a moment to process Yang's instruction before guiding the car towards a gentle curve in their makeshift course. The car responded quickly to her touch, easily gliding along the path she set. It was a thrill like none other; such raw energy at her fingertips was invigorating and terrifying simultaneously.
"Now, for the fun part," Yang said, her grin widening in anticipation. "Drifting."
Blake gripped the steering wheel tighter. "Okay... What should I do?"
"You need to lose traction in your rear wheels or oversteer, and then maintain control over your vehicle," explained Yang succinctly. "You’re going to want to get some speed going into the turn. Then as you approach it, you’ll quickly turn in the opposite direction you want to go. Just as quickly, you’ll steer back into your original direction and press on the accelerator.”
Blake nodded slowly, absorbing Yang's instructions. Easier said than done, she thought to herself but decided not to voice it.
Taking a calming breath, Blake revved up the engine and headed towards a turning point in their course. She felt her heart pounding against her chest; one wrong move could end disastrously. As she approached the turn, she sharply cut the wheel in the opposite direction of the curve, just as Yang had instructed.
Then, with a fleeting moment of hesitation, she whipped the wheel back in the original direction, her foot firmly pressing down on the accelerator. However, the car didn't respond as she had hoped. Instead of a smooth glide around the curve, the tires screeched against the asphalt, and the car jolted violently to a stop. Blake's chest heaved as she blinked in shock, her heart pounding in her ears.
Yang chuckled softly, reaching over to pat Blake's shoulder. "Nice try, but remember what I said about being swift and certain? You hesitated just then. It’ll take some time, you’ll probably do that a few times before you get it right. Don't worry about it, you're learning."
Blake exhaled, shaking her head slightly to clear it. Yang was right; this was just the beginning, she couldn't expect perfection on her first attempt. "Alright," Blake said, her voice a little shaky but determined nonetheless. "Let's try again."
Over the course of the evening, Blake repeated the process. Each time, she gained a bit more control and understanding of how the car responded to her movements. She still had a few mishaps and close calls, but with every failure, she learned something new. She still had yet to actually execute a successful drift, but she was getting closer.
“I don’t know how you all do this for fun,” Blake sighed during a break, her hands steadily gripping a bottle of water. Her voice had a touch of exhaustion.
Yang just laughed, giving Blake a reassuring pat on the back. "It’s not for everyone, sure. But, once you nail it, there’s no feeling quite like it. It’s all about syncing with the car and becoming one with it. It's like... dancing. Ruby is like the best out of all of us, she has this way of melding with the machine, knowing its needs even before it does. That's why she's unbeatable.”
At the mention of the redhead the faunus felt her face fall slightly before she cleared her throat and forced a smile. "I'll be happy if I can just not crash or actually be able to drift.”
The blonde hummed leaning up against the back of the car stuffing her hands into her jeans. “You’ll get there, it’ll just take time.”
The faunus nodded, turning slightly before looking at the back of the car, the decal of ‘Sting like a bee.’ on the back.
"Sting like a bee," Blake read aloud, tracing the letters with her gaze. "That's an interesting choice of words."
Yang grinned, tossing her water bottle between each hand. “I named my car Bumblebee one because of the color and also I named her after that because of Transformers.”
“Transformers?”Yang stopped giving Blake a look like ‘really?’
"You seriously don't know?" Yang asked, arching an eyebrow. Blake shook her head, her confusion genuine. Yang laughed again, shaking her head in disbelief before explaining, "Transformers is a franchise about alien robots that can transform into vehicles. Bumblebee is one of the main characters, and transforms into a 1977 Chevrolet Camaro… well started as that. Later on he eventually goes to a 2008 Camaro.”
Blake blinked, processing Yang's explanation. "I see," she said slowly, her brows furrowed slightly as she tried to grasp the concept. "Alien robots that transform into vehicles… sounds… interesting. Definitely sounds like something you'd like."
The blonde burst out laughing at Blake's hesitant admission. "Oh, you have no idea how interesting," she replied, her laughter dying down to a chuckle. Her eyes glinted with mischief, a telltale sign of impending trouble.
"Alright," Yang declared, pushing off the car and moving to stand in front of Blake. "That's it. We're taking a break from driving and having ourselves a Transformers marathon tonight."
The faunus’ eyes widened in surprise. "Wait, we're what?"
"You heard me," Yang answered “Wait till Ruby hears you haven't seen it. She’s a huge fan of the series. She'll probably be more excited than me."
Blake opened her mouth to say something before she cleared her throat. “I actually… I would love to have a movie night, but I have… work tomorrow morning."
Yang's face fell slightly, but she quickly recovered with a shrug. "Alright, no worries. We can do it another time." She rummaged around in her back pocket and pulled out her keys. “I’ll give you a drive back to your apartment.”
